Kids Eat in Color is committed to providing informative articles based on scientific evidence.
This article is fact-checked by our team of experts.
Our team strives to be objective, unbiased, honest about the information provided.
This article contains scientific references. Please view them below.
How Fight, Flight or Freeze Impacts Kids & Picky Eating
January 2022
Last reviewed: January 2022
Author:
Alexandria Delozier, PHD
Coauthors:
Jennifer Anderson, MSPH, RDN
Laura Petix, M.S. OTR/L
Erinn Jacobi, M.S. OTR/L
Stefanie Kain, B.S. M.Ed
About Kids Eat in Color
Created by experts, Kids Eat in Color is the leading resource for families seeking evidence-based information and strategies on child nutrition and feeding.
As an Amazon Associate, Kids Eat in Color® earns from qualifying purchases made through affiliate links.
Author:
Alexandria Delozier, PHD
Coauthors:
Jennifer Anderson, MSPH, RDN
Laura Petix, M.S. OTR/L
Erinn Jacobi, M.S. OTR/L
Stefanie Kain, B.S. M.Ed
Share
+
It’s dinner time, and Eric’s mom gives him two more minutes of Daniel Tiger before he needs to turn it off and come to dinner. Eric begins to complain.
After 2 minutes, he joins the table and begins to cry as his mom places his plate with chicken and carrots in front of him. “I don’t want those!” he shouts.
“Just try a bite, Eric,” his mom pleads. “You might like it.”
Eric refuses and pushes the plate away, completely shutting down.
His mother, completely exhausted, wonders why this happens. Why does he react like this with EVERY new food?
Why does my child “lose it” at mealtimes?
You probably understand why your child gets upset when screen time is over. But why do they “lose it” at the dinner table whenever you put carrots (or any new food) on their plate?
Oftentimes, the answer is the fight, flight or freeze response (4).
Think of a time when you were startled by the doorbell or afraid of an unleashed dog in your neighborhood. You may have noticed your heart racing or your breathing becoming faster. That was the fight, flight or freeze response in action.
What is the fight, flight or freeze response?
Fight, flight or freeze is our body’s built-in alarm system for reacting to danger. When the alarm is signaled, we get a surge of hormones, like adrenaline, which puts us on HIGH ALERT for threats and causes any bodily functions that are not needed for immediate survival, such as digestion, to slow down.
This hormonal surge gives us the physical and mental energy to fight, flee (flight), or hide (freeze) from a danger. The danger might be a real alarm (the unleashed dog), or it might be a false alarm (the doorbell).
For kids, the fight, flight or freeze reaction is built into their brains to help them keep themselves safe. It tells your child to run away from danger or fight back if someone tries to hurt them. This is great news! We all want our kids to be safe!
But… your kid’s brain is still developing, and it may also view something that is perfectly safe (such as the non threatening carrots served for dinner) as a threat and trigger a false alarm, which could look like a meltdown.
What does the fight, flight or freeze response look like?
Examples of what “fight” in a toddler or kid can look like:
Examples of what “flight” in a toddler or kid can look like:
Running way
Hiding
Shaking
Examples of what “freeze” in a toddler or kid can look like:
Shutting down
Unresponsive
Breath heavily
Not seeming to think clearly
Freezing up
How fight, flight or freeze impacts picky eating
When a picky eater child sees, smells or touches a new or disliked food, they often experience an uncomfortable sensory experience. They may also feel strong emotions, such as fear, nervousness or disgust. Their brain may interpret these strong sensations as an indication that the food is a threat. This threat may then trigger the fight, flight or freeze response in kids, and in turn it may lead to a mealtime meltdown.
Young children (and some older children) do not have the ability to calm themselves yet, which can contribute to or prolong a meltdown.
This response may seem silly to some adults, and so is being scared of a doorbell ringing–but that doesn’t mean we are any less startled when it surprises us! For a picky eater, a new or disliked food is the doorbell.
The fight, flight or freeze response impacts picking eating in a few ways.
It decreases hunger
It is normal for a child’s digestion to slow down during fight, flight, or freeze. The human body does this to conserve energy when it is in danger.
It leads to “escape behaviors”
The natural reaction for when a child feels in danger is to want to leave it. With picky eating, the child could want to leave the table as quickly as they can.
It can make a child feel sick
After having a meltdown, they may feel slightly sick to their stomachs or lose their appetite. This is a normal response in the human body after experiencing fight, flight, or freeze, but it may cause your child to refuse to eat.
How do you calm a child in fight, flight and freeze mode?
If your child is in the fight, flight and freeze mode, the most important thing is to stay calm. Breathe, count, and go to your happy place, so that you are in a state to help de-escalate your child.
Once you’re calm, help your child calm down. This might look like giving a pat or hug or letting them know you understand their feelings. It can also mean giving them space to work through their feelings and saying, “I am here if you need me.” To learn more about how to manage mealtime meltdowns and teach your kids to like more foods check out our BetterBites picky eating programs.
Nekitsing, Chandani, Marion M. Hetherington, and Pam Blundell-Birtill. 2018. “Developing Healthy Food Preferences in Preschool Children Through Taste Exposure, Sensory Learning, and Nutrition Education.” Current Obesity Reports 7 (1): 60–67. https://doi.org/10.1007/s13679-018-0297-8.
Created by experts, Kids Eat in Color is the leading resource for families seeking evidence-based information and strategies on child nutrition and feeding.
Alli Delozier is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who is passionate about supporting the emotional and physical wellbeing of children, adolescents, and their parents through evidenced based psychological and behavioral therapies. She specializes in pediatric psychology, body positive parenting, and adolescent/young adult health.
Dr. Delozier has worked in a variety of settings, including academic medical centers, children’s hospitals, community-based mental health, child advocacy centers, tribal healthcare (IHS), and most recently virtual therapy and coaching through her private practice, Delozier Psychological Services & Consultation. She is passionate about working directly with parents to help support them in empowering their families to reach their emotional and physical health goals through a non-diet, body positive framework and training providers and institutions on how to integrate inclusive practices in healthcare settings.
Dr. Delozier’s academic background includes completing her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Oklahoma State University and her predoctoral internship and postdoctoral fellowship at the University of Mississippi Medical Center where she focused on establishing inclusive healthcare services for underserved populations. In addition to her private practice, she is an Assistant Professor of Psychology at an academic medical center. She spends her time working directly with clients, training students, educating providers and the community, and contributing to scientific research.
Dr. Delozier is also a mom of young children. She lives on a small farm with her family and enjoys spending time with her kids outdoors, cooking, and experimenting with (picky eater friendly) recipes.
Related articles
What Is the Best Kind of Peanut Butter for Toddlers?
It’s dinner time, and Eric’s mom gives him two more minutes of Daniel Tiger before he needs to turn it off and come to dinner. Eric begins to complain.
After 2 minutes, he joins the table and begins to cry as his mom places his plate with chicken and carrots in front of him. “I don’t want those!” he shouts.
“Just try a bite, Eric,” his mom pleads. “You might like it.”
Eric refuses and pushes the plate away, completely shutting down.
His mother, completely exhausted, wonders why this happens. Why does he react like this with EVERY new food?
Why does my child “lose it” at mealtimes?
You probably understand why your child gets upset when screen time is over. But why do they “lose it” at the dinner table whenever you put carrots (or any new food) on their plate?
Oftentimes, the answer is the fight, flight or freeze response (4).
Think of a time when you were startled by the doorbell or afraid of an unleashed dog in your neighborhood. You may have noticed your heart racing or your breathing becoming faster. That was the fight, flight or freeze response in action.
What is the fight, flight or freeze response?
Fight, flight or freeze is our body’s built-in alarm system for reacting to danger. When the alarm is signaled, we get a surge of hormones, like adrenaline, which puts us on HIGH ALERT for threats and causes any bodily functions that are not needed for immediate survival, such as digestion, to slow down.
This hormonal surge gives us the physical and mental energy to fight, flee (flight), or hide (freeze) from a danger. The danger might be a real alarm (the unleashed dog), or it might be a false alarm (the doorbell).
For kids, the fight, flight or freeze reaction is built into their brains to help them keep themselves safe. It tells your child to run away from danger or fight back if someone tries to hurt them. This is great news! We all want our kids to be safe!
But… your kid’s brain is still developing, and it may also view something that is perfectly safe (such as the non threatening carrots served for dinner) as a threat and trigger a false alarm, which could look like a meltdown.
What does the fight, flight or freeze response look like?
Examples of what “fight” in a toddler or kid can look like:
Examples of what “flight” in a toddler or kid can look like:
Examples of what “freeze” in a toddler or kid can look like:
How fight, flight or freeze impacts picky eating
When a picky eater child sees, smells or touches a new or disliked food, they often experience an uncomfortable sensory experience. They may also feel strong emotions, such as fear, nervousness or disgust. Their brain may interpret these strong sensations as an indication that the food is a threat. This threat may then trigger the fight, flight or freeze response in kids, and in turn it may lead to a mealtime meltdown.
Young children (and some older children) do not have the ability to calm themselves yet, which can contribute to or prolong a meltdown.
This response may seem silly to some adults, and so is being scared of a doorbell ringing–but that doesn’t mean we are any less startled when it surprises us! For a picky eater, a new or disliked food is the doorbell.
The fight, flight or freeze response impacts picking eating in a few ways.
It decreases hunger
It is normal for a child’s digestion to slow down during fight, flight, or freeze. The human body does this to conserve energy when it is in danger.
It leads to “escape behaviors”
The natural reaction for when a child feels in danger is to want to leave it. With picky eating, the child could want to leave the table as quickly as they can.
It can make a child feel sick
After having a meltdown, they may feel slightly sick to their stomachs or lose their appetite. This is a normal response in the human body after experiencing fight, flight, or freeze, but it may cause your child to refuse to eat.
How do you calm a child in fight, flight and freeze mode?
If your child is in the fight, flight and freeze mode, the most important thing is to stay calm. Breathe, count, and go to your happy place, so that you are in a state to help de-escalate your child.
Once you’re calm, help your child calm down. This might look like giving a pat or hug or letting them know you understand their feelings. It can also mean giving them space to work through their feelings and saying, “I am here if you need me.” To learn more about how to manage mealtime meltdowns and teach your kids to like more foods check out our BetterBites picky eating programs.
Author
Alexandria Delozier, PHD, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Reviewers
Jennifer Anderson, MSPH, RDN
Laura Petix, M.S., OTR/L
Erinn Jacobi, M.S., OTR/L
Stefanie Kain, B.S., M.Ed
References