Why Table Manners Matter + 6 Tips for Teaching Your Kids
July 2022
Last reviewed: July 2022
Author:
Jennifer Anderson, MSPH, RDN
Coauthors:
Alexandria Delozier, PHD
About Kids Eat in Color
Created by experts, Kids Eat in Color is the leading resource for families seeking evidence-based information and strategies on child nutrition and feeding.
Author:
Jennifer Anderson, MSPH, RDN
Coauthors:
Alexandria Delozier, PHD
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Inside: Table manners help kids behave respectfully at mealtimes and also in different settings. In this article, we talk about teaching kids table manners, why manners are important, and we give you lists of table manners for kids and toddlers to practice.
Teaching your toddler to say “please” and “thank you” is just the start of teaching them about manners and etiquette. And while teaching kids table manners is surely a worthwhile task, it’s not always easy or straightforward.
You might be unsure of where to start when it comes to table manners for kids, or you may be having trouble getting your preschooler to use proper table manners. If your child is a picky eater, you may be struggling to manage disruptive mealtime behaviors like tantrums.
In any case, we can help you learn how to teach table manners to toddlers and kids.
We want to teach our kids to be polite and kind, we want them to treat others the way they want to be treated.
Teaching toddlers and preschoolers about table manners will allow them to show respect and appreciation during meals (and in other situations), and it will help them show that the others at the table are important.
Table manners and etiquette are important social skills that your child will use as they grow up.
Related: Get tips on managing mealtime stress and helping picky eaters with our free picky eating guide.
Tips for teaching kids and toddlers table manners
Table manners for kids and toddlers include several different developmental skills, such as fine motor and prolonged attention. These skills take your child time to master.
Here are tips for teaching kids table manners.
1. Show your child examples of good manners
Our kids are watching, listening and learning from us. If we want them to behave a certain way, we need to model what that behavior looks like.
That could include waiting to finish eating before speaking so your child knows to do the same, or waiting for everyone to sit down before eating to show your toddler what is expected.
Set realistic expectations about your toddler’s abilities.
We’ve all had those moments when our child screams “Gross!” when a grandma or a friend shares an unfamiliar food with them.
Yep! Been there. Just remember, your kids are still learning, and sometimes cringe moments happen. It’s OK, you’ll get through them.
Note: How you talk about food with kids matters greatly. Download our “How to Talk” printable to learn how to talk to kids about food.
Another thing to keep in mind is that children’s attention spans vary. You can expect toddlers to start with an attention span of about 2 minutes per year of age. Keep this in mind before expecting your little one to stay seated while out at a restaurant!
You can teach toddler and kids to sit longer at the table (verifying that their high chair has a good footrest may help), but that is a good starting point.
3. Start small
All lasting habits start with baby steps. Start simple. For example, modeling how to use “please” when asking for more food is a good first step when starting your baby on solids.
When teaching table manners to toddlers and kids (or even babies!), you can start by creating a hand-washing habit as part of a pre-meal routine.
Have them wash their hands before each meal. This is a small habit that helps little ones come to the table with clean hands and helps them prepare mentally for sitting at the table.
Some families like to teach their babies and toddlers sign language for words such as “please,” “thank you,” “more,” and “all done” to help them communicate more easily at the table. This is another good first step for teaching manners to babies and toddlers.
Related: We also recommend starting small when trying to wean your child off screens during meals. Get the full list of tips: 10 Steps to End Screen Time at Meals.
4. Practice
Every mealtime is an opportunity to model and practice table manners with your toddler. Role-play can also help your child learn and practice manners.
A mealtime role-play example: Using dolls, action figures or your child’s favorite stuffed animals, role-play serving and passing food. You can practice, “Please and thank you!”
If you have a child who needs help remembering to eat with their mouth closed, pretend to be chewing with lips closed and waiting to speak until you finish swallowing.
In addition, a tea party or picnic is a great way to role-play with actual food. Your child will get more exposure to the task in a fun, low-pressure environment.
Lastly, consistency helps when teaching kids new habits. Modeling good manners and practicing them with your kid regularly, whether at the dinner table or during role-play, will help your little one master their own table manners over time.
5. Provide positive reinforcement
Positive reinforcement can also help encourage your child. The best way to praise your child is to tell them what they did that you like. This is called “labeled praise.”
An example of labeled praise would be, “You waited for everyone to be served before eating at dinner tonight!” or “I noticed you saying thank you to grandma just then when she passed the rolls. You must be proud of your table manners!”
Learning takes time. Be patient and kind, and the next thing you know, you will catch your toddler saying “excuse me” and “may I” all on their own!
Age-appropriate table manners for kids
Not sure what table manners are appropriate for your child’s age? See the lists below for suggested table manners and meal-related chores to work on with your child depending on their age.
Table manners to teach toddlers and preschoolers
Helping set the table
Washing hands before meals
Staying seated during meals
Speaking politely and positively about food or not saying anything
Learn the basics about feeding young kids, and get the confidence you need to handle meals, snacks and desserts.
About Kids Eat in Color
Created by experts, Kids Eat in Color is the leading resource for families seeking evidence-based information and strategies on child nutrition and feeding.
Jennifer Anderson is a registered dietitian and has a masters of science in public health from Johns Hopkins School of Public Health. In 2019, she founded Kids Eat in Color®, a public health resource that improves child and family nutrition and mental health. Prior to starting Kids Eat in Color® she coordinated youth nutrition programs at a food bank, performed research in inner-city food deserts, and consulted for the USDA national office SNAP-Ed program. Her academic background is in public health nutrition, cultural anthropology, and economics.
Inside: Table manners help kids behave respectfully at mealtimes and also in different settings. In this article, we talk about teaching kids table manners, why manners are important, and we give you lists of table manners for kids and toddlers to practice.
Teaching your toddler to say “please” and “thank you” is just the start of teaching them about manners and etiquette. And while teaching kids table manners is surely a worthwhile task, it’s not always easy or straightforward.
You might be unsure of where to start when it comes to table manners for kids, or you may be having trouble getting your preschooler to use proper table manners. If your child is a picky eater, you may be struggling to manage disruptive mealtime behaviors like tantrums.
In any case, we can help you learn how to teach table manners to toddlers and kids.
Article contents:
Why manners are important for children and toddlers
Tips to help teach table manners to kids and toddlers
Table manners for toddlers
Table manner for kids
Why are table manners important for kids?
We want to teach our kids to be polite and kind, we want them to treat others the way they want to be treated.
Teaching toddlers and preschoolers about table manners will allow them to show respect and appreciation during meals (and in other situations), and it will help them show that the others at the table are important.
Table manners and etiquette are important social skills that your child will use as they grow up.
Related: Get tips on managing mealtime stress and helping picky eaters with our free picky eating guide.
Tips for teaching kids and toddlers table manners
Table manners for kids and toddlers include several different developmental skills, such as fine motor and prolonged attention. These skills take your child time to master.
Here are tips for teaching kids table manners.
1. Show your child examples of good manners
Our kids are watching, listening and learning from us. If we want them to behave a certain way, we need to model what that behavior looks like.
That could include waiting to finish eating before speaking so your child knows to do the same, or waiting for everyone to sit down before eating to show your toddler what is expected.
Related: Modeling desired behavior is also helpful when getting children to use utensils. Read to learn more!
2. Set realistic expectations
Set realistic expectations about your toddler’s abilities.
We’ve all had those moments when our child screams “Gross!” when a grandma or a friend shares an unfamiliar food with them.
Yep! Been there. Just remember, your kids are still learning, and sometimes cringe moments happen. It’s OK, you’ll get through them.
Note: How you talk about food with kids matters greatly. Download our “How to Talk” printable to learn how to talk to kids about food.
Another thing to keep in mind is that children’s attention spans vary. You can expect toddlers to start with an attention span of about 2 minutes per year of age. Keep this in mind before expecting your little one to stay seated while out at a restaurant!
You can teach toddler and kids to sit longer at the table (verifying that their high chair has a good footrest may help), but that is a good starting point.
3. Start small
All lasting habits start with baby steps. Start simple. For example, modeling how to use “please” when asking for more food is a good first step when starting your baby on solids.
When teaching table manners to toddlers and kids (or even babies!), you can start by creating a hand-washing habit as part of a pre-meal routine.
Have them wash their hands before each meal. This is a small habit that helps little ones come to the table with clean hands and helps them prepare mentally for sitting at the table.
Some families like to teach their babies and toddlers sign language for words such as “please,” “thank you,” “more,” and “all done” to help them communicate more easily at the table. This is another good first step for teaching manners to babies and toddlers.
Related: We also recommend starting small when trying to wean your child off screens during meals. Get the full list of tips: 10 Steps to End Screen Time at Meals.
4. Practice
Every mealtime is an opportunity to model and practice table manners with your toddler. Role-play can also help your child learn and practice manners.
A mealtime role-play example: Using dolls, action figures or your child’s favorite stuffed animals, role-play serving and passing food. You can practice, “Please and thank you!”
If you have a child who needs help remembering to eat with their mouth closed, pretend to be chewing with lips closed and waiting to speak until you finish swallowing.
In addition, a tea party or picnic is a great way to role-play with actual food. Your child will get more exposure to the task in a fun, low-pressure environment.
Lastly, consistency helps when teaching kids new habits. Modeling good manners and practicing them with your kid regularly, whether at the dinner table or during role-play, will help your little one master their own table manners over time.
5. Provide positive reinforcement
Positive reinforcement can also help encourage your child. The best way to praise your child is to tell them what they did that you like. This is called “labeled praise.”
An example of labeled praise would be, “You waited for everyone to be served before eating at dinner tonight!” or “I noticed you saying thank you to grandma just then when she passed the rolls. You must be proud of your table manners!”
Related: Does your child love to throw food? Learn how to end toddler food throwing.
6. Be patient
Learning takes time. Be patient and kind, and the next thing you know, you will catch your toddler saying “excuse me” and “may I” all on their own!
Age-appropriate table manners for kids
Not sure what table manners are appropriate for your child’s age? See the lists below for suggested table manners and meal-related chores to work on with your child depending on their age.
Table manners to teach toddlers and preschoolers
Related: Is your kid messy? Find out 8 tips for dealing with messy eaters.
Table manners to teach older kids
More advice on feeding toddlers
Read more blogs for tips and advice on feeding toddlers with less stress.
Best Utensils for Toddlers & Kids
Top Choking Hazards for Toddlers
Best Foods to Relieve Toddler Constipation
Create Your Toddler’s Feeding Schedule
Healthy Lunches for Toddlers
Learn the basics about feeding young kids, and get the confidence you need to handle meals, snacks and desserts.